So you may or may not know that I started doing an advice column a few years ago. I was in between writing assignments and thought it would give me a chance to get drunk, give my sage advice, and make fun of some things. I did not expect for the crazy replies and questions that I started to get, and after that died down… turns out people really did seek my advice out. Stupid I know…
So here’s a few questions from the column, it’s pretty much whatever people ask of me, but I find more youngsters ask questions than others (isn’t that always the way) If you want me to answer one for you, email : firstname.lastname@example.org or… just go to the advice column link to the left…
My friend is in his thirties. All he does is hang out a garage in his parent’s house, smoke weed and plays video games. He has no job. What should I do?
How is this your problem? I respect the fact you care about your friend, but he’s thirty and a grown man. If his parents keep letting him loaf they are enabling him to do so and there is no prospect of being productive that will change that. The best you can do is keep living your life, see him from time to time, and don’t offer to pay his way for things. Hopefully sooner or later he’ll realize he needs his own income, you becoming the preacher won’t do any good and will probably cost you a friend.
I finally thought I was getting over a guy but I guess I’m not. I tried the usual not talking to him that much and doing other things to keep my mind off him and it was working until yesterday. We were with a group of friends so he joined the group and started talking to me again. Of course only as a friend not flirting or anything but I guess I still like him because I melted inside. What else can I do to ge over him? By the way I know he doesnt like me as more than a friend because my friend asked him
It sucks because seeing an ex is just reopening an old wound.
I always tell people to make a list of things you want to do and start doing them. This means you will discover more about yourself. And quite frankly when you do meet a new person, you’re going to wish for some time to yourself from time to time.
Guess what you’re single! That means you don’t have to feel guilty for flirting, you can go out with friends without checking in, and basically be free.
Why am I telling you to do things for yourself? When you do, you see that missing someone is just really missing the idea of someone. When you melted inside you really only missed the familiarity and safety that person gave you, you don’t miss the fighting and the real life complacency. Being single has liberated you to be awesome and rediscover yourself. Life is too short to be worried about an ex. Not when a gal like you has the world at her fingertips.
PS there is no greater revenge than living well. When people see a liberated happy person… that’s attractive
In your opinion, what is the coolest dinosaur?
I dated a guy when I was 16. We dated for 2 years breaking up once and then getting back together. He was my first for everything (bf, kiss, make-out, sex) and no doubt I was absolutely in love with him. I had a rebound boyfriend a few months after (which only lasted like 3 months) and then was single for about a year because I knew I had to be. I’m now almost 20 and in a relationship and its been about 6 months and I love this guy but in a different way than I did my ex. He’s so sweet to me and I love him but I just don’t feel the way I felt about my ex. I wanted to know is there a different feeling you get from your first then the rest of your boyfriends? I love the relationship I’m in now but I don’t want to be unfair if something important is missing. My ex is in a relationship now, but still. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m just so confused. Please help.
Young love is always more intense because you’re young and having first brush experiences with everything. It’s like the first time I saw the movie “Scream”. It was a packed theater and everyone was jumping yelling and screaming. Now, a billion sequels later and too many showings on daytime TV, I don’t pay it much mind.
The truth is, you have matured enough to know you should have stayed single, and there is nothing wrong with the dude you have now. You may feel a little less “rush” because of what I just said or maybe because there is less conflict with him in your normal life. My advice is (and it’s probably way different) that you are 20 years old. When I was 20 I was awesome (still am) I played in a band, went to different cities, really chased my passion. Along the way, I met a lot of girls, dated a few and kept moving with myself in mind. Now, after a few bumps along the way, I am where I want to be and it’s awesome.
I think people are afraid to be alone. There is a freedom in being single. Is it lonely? If you let it be. The truth is love… real love will come when you don’t worry about it. When you are confident in yourself that’s when you are open to someone who is attracted for you for who you are, not just if you’re single and have some shit in common.
You can date (you’re still young I recommend it so you can find what you like.) You can even have a boyfriend if you want to give someone the title. You don’t have to feel the need to settle down though just because. When you give someone the title of being your boyfriend, it means you’re giving them your loyalty, love isn’t necessarily always in the mix. It doesn’t always have to be. I say it’s ok to be a little selfish. Better to discover what you want than regret it later.
My ex and me broke up a few months ago. It wasn’t a nasty breakup but I was angry & upset. I did tell him that if we were seriously done, then we were to have no contact so I could move on. So, obviously, we’ve had absolutely no contact since then. I’m not completely over him and I admit it. I am at the point though, where I’d like to be in some contact with him. I’d like to see how he’s doing, what’s new, etc.. possibly even start to be friends. I really think I could do that. I just don’t know whether I should try to contact him or just let it go/leave it alone. I think if I didn’t, I’d always wonder ‘what if’. How do I figure this out? What could I say that wouldn’t sound dumb/pathetic and more along of the lines of upbeat/curious? I’m such a prideful and stubborn person, but my gut keeps telling me to say something.
You should leave it alone.
When you break up with someone that you invested your feelings in, you will often go through a mild form of the 5 stages of grief:
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
It’s not like someone died, but the loss of someone is still there. Also some stages are stronger than others, pretty much you just said that you went through the anger stage, I would say that you are at the bargaining part right now, where you are telling yourself that you can just “be friends” because let’s admit it… right now you are remembering pretty good things and not too many bad things. The best way to get over it is to remember all the reasons you broke up in the first place, if you keep a diary, read that part only. Ask your best friend who you complained to to remind you of everything you’re forgetting, you’ll breeze through depression easy too.
If you got him, you can get another.